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2002-11-07 - 10:12 p.m. I've always had this habit of thinking how certain occurances in my life would be written in a novel. I think this part of my life would be best wrote by E. A. Poe or Edith Wharton. Poe's wonderfully morbid and Edith has this excellent way of getting inside the character's head and taking the reader with her. I had a minor eppiphany with the help of Peyton tonight: Justin is so hooked on Kelly I couldn't pry him away in a million years. Of course I never really knew or thought anything different.. but it's never really been said out loud before. I think if my life were a song it would be the entire album "Days Of Future Past" by the Moody Blues. Hell, that whole album usually discribes a day in my life (ironically). I just can't win. I can't reach most goals I set nor attain the guys I like... I'm really hoping God has got some kick ass life for me over the hill.... becuase I KNOW I deserve it... I thought I actually had something with Justin. Like a connection.. but he's always gonna have Kelly and Kelly's always gonna have Justin. I'll have Peyton's dog. I guess I have a nice friendship with him though. That's nice. :D I don't even want a boyfriend actually. It's the last thing on my list right now. I just want someone to go out on Friday with. To hold my hand during a scary movie or to dance with me at the band dances.... A lot of other girl's get it.. why can't I? Lord know's I've tried... I'm really glad I'm friends with Justin. He's an awesome guy. But it's just one more reminder that I can't have what I want... ever. So is being friends with Joel. Although, Joel's being a real bitch lately... I just hope he's okay... Today was acutally nice. I wore a skirt so I felt all pretty and stuff... and I got lots of compliments... :D Which is nice... and We got all those left over bottles and cans pushed to get over $100 for the band... and I didn't have to stay in one room with Manuilow for more that 20 minutes... Conferences were today and my mom got nothing but good stuff... But then there's the last 15 minutes... Where I've cried, laughed and gotten so pissed/bitter.... I just wanna win once.... I felt pretty today.. I really did...
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